Hormones & Medication Ramblings

Let's talk hormones.  And anti-depression medication.

If you'd like to catch up on my backstory of how I found myself on medication to begin with, check out this long-winded rambling post:  http://bkmonet.blogspot.com/2013/10/week-2-check-in-ramblings.html

Around the beginning of 2014 I made a goal to be free of medication.  I found myself waking up every morning and asking, "why am I even taking this??"

I feel like over the course of the last few years I've been taking anti-depression medication when it hasn't necessarily been necessary.  Have there been some bumps in the road that I have needed help with?  YES.  Is medication the solution?  I don't think so.

I am proud to share that I have been completely off my medication for three weeks.  Woo!  Given, I am holding back excitement and celebration until it has been at least six weeks or more.  (it usually takes 4-6 weeks for medication like this to completely metabolize out of your system)  At that point I want to take some honest inventory of how I'm feeling.  Best part?  Even if I still feel off, there are endless possibilities of help that don't include medication.

Insert discussion about hormones.

I have begun to take hormone replacement therapy cream since January of 2014.  Cream?  What?  Ew? If those are your reactions, you are a lot like me.  Thankfully it's quite literally not gross or strange.  I simply put some lotion on the inside of my arm twice per day.  Done.

I have an entire inner dialogue about my hesitation to start using hormone replacement therapy.  I wasn't even 30 years old when I started this.  What in the hell is wrong with me?!?  There are risks.  Is it natural?  Is it synthetic?  Will I gain weight?  Will I have side-effects?  Is this going to royally screw me up? Are there other holistic options?  So many questions.  Some I have found answers to, others are still questions I am seeking answers for.

Late 2013 I started to explore hormone options after having some questionable skin "things" removed by a dermatologist.  One of the questionable items led me to find out that it was caused by hormone imbalance.  Pieces of a puzzle began to fall into place.

Long story short, I did a saliva test to check my hormones to discover that for my age, my progesterone and estrogen levels were quite literally almost not on the "chart."  Low.  low low low.

Why can't I fall asleep at night?  Why do I toss and turn?  Why do I wake up feeling like I want to sleep for 3 more hours?  Why do I have mood swings?  Why do I feel agitated and annoyed all the time?  Why can't I just get myself to DO something?  Why am I restless and tired all day?  Libido?  What's that?  

These were some of the questions I have been asking myself for a long time in my life, but just figured that there was nothing I could do.  I had to simply deal with it, find a way to make it better.  Instead I feel like I was dragging everyone down around me in my attempts to figure it out.

Best thing ever?  There ARE answers and solutions.  and I'm already experiencing it.

Yesterday I had a check-up with my practitioner who prescribes my hormone cream and she read a list of my "symptoms" I came to her with back in late 2013 that I was experiencing. (the questions listed above)  Since starting to use this cream I have already noticed a change.  Best part?  I am still just beginning this journey.  I am so excited and optimistic that I might finally be finding answers to the questions I seek.

Hormones are for real!!!

Going futher, I've begun to do research into birth control, and I want to travel back in time and slap my young-self and prevent the use of oral birth control pills.  You know, the pills that were quite possibly the start of the downfall of my hormone imbalance.  Pregnancy hormones.  Daily life stress.  and all the other million factors that play a role.  It's exciting and rewarding to be on the road to finding the answers I seek.

Week 2 Check-In & Ramblings

Greetings world :)  Brittney here, with my official report of my previous week.

CHECK-IN SURVEY: Week 2
Number of days of Exercise: 4
Number of Cardio Exercises: 4
Number of Weight Exercises: .5
Total Time Exercised:  4.5 hours
Total Calories Burned:  still gadget-free.  I'm not ready for stats yet.
Proud Moments: Hitting the 3-mile-mark TWICE this week.  holla!
Needs Work:  Oh my, lots and lots and lots of things.  Too many to list specifically.

I am very proud of myself for completing my second week of ...how do I say it?  Living again.  It's like my mind has been unaware and out-of-sync with my body for over a year.  So very sad.  I have said it before and I will say it again.  I don't want to treat my body like that ever ever again.  This is the only body I have.  I only have this lifetime to enjoy it and be as healthy as possible.  Maybe it's because I'm creeping towards my thirtieth year in life and I have been in a funk for almost a decade now?  It's long over due.

I want to say around Sophomore year in college is when a huge shift in my life occurred.  Up to that point I was busy in athletics in high school, and a fresh young Freshman in college I was DETERMINED to not let the "freshman 15" touch me.  Proud to say it didn't!  I exercised rigorously freshman year ...and then Sophomore year I probably gained 40 pounds.  Oy vey.  I got back into exercising regularly a year or so later but never really got back to my ideal "place."  THEN I got engaged and kicked it into gear.  I was NOT going to look like a cow wearing my white dress.  I am happy and proud of the shape I was in when I was married.  I could do push-ups like a pro, and although I wasn't my "skinniest" I felt amazing on my wedding day!

Around 6 months after our wedding I became pregnant with my son and couldn't WAIT for a big ole belly.  I was going to be one of those CUTE and adorable pregnant women who don't look pregnant at all except for the bump.  

umm.  ha.  hahaha.  Oh dear.

THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.  I gained 70 pounds.  SEVENTY POUNDS.  My son weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces when he was born.  Holy shit.  I couldn't fathom HOW or WHY my regular clothes didn't fit the day I got home from the hospital.  Well, my ass grew to be the size of Minneapolis and I had more chins than I care to admit.  Apparently when you're pregnant you cannot eat for two and not exercise a single day and remain healthy or fit.  

I made several attempts after Sam was born to get back into the best shape possible, but lived for months in denial of post-partum depression and pretty much had a hell of a time.  I made a valid push to be fit the summer before getting pregnant with my daughter but still weighed far more than I ever imagined I would weigh.  The moment we started talking about having another baby I started exercising regularly.  I wanted to be healthy during my second pregnancy.  I had complications after giving birth to Sam and I still remember how weak I felt afterwards.  I had no stamina, no strength.  I wish I would have been stronger to aide in a faster recovery!  Aside from getting fat I had lost a lot of muscle and it did NOT feel good to not feel strong.

I exercised throughout my entire second pregnancy but allowed myself to eat freely and thus gained weight.  I gained 30 pounds with my daughter which is far better than my first pregnancy!  For sure.  But again, found myself very heavy after Kate was born.  

Then a monkey-wrench was thrown into life.  I had a gallstone attack a couple weeks after Kate was born.  I went to bed that night seriously wondering if I was going to wake up in the morning.  Looking back now it probably would have been smart to go the ER, but I'm happy with how things ended up working out over time.  I was told by a surgeon that I would need to have surgery to remove my gallbladder which would require me to not lift more than 10 pounds for SIX WEEKS.  

A man in an office told a stay-at-home mom to two children - one being only 2 weeks old - that I couldn't lift more than 10 pounds for a month and a half.  I balled.  I cried.  I couldn't fathom life in recovery for that long.  Kate weighed more than 10 pounds a week after she was born!  I was not going to miss the early months of her life not being able to hold her or pick her up when she cried for me.  Or to not be able to pick Sam up when needed me!  Or to carry laundry baskets or groceries!  I seriously looked into hiring a nanny.  I felt sick at the idea of needing to rely on friends, family, a nanny, THAT EXTENSIVELY during this time in our life.

I made a decision then and there that I wasn't going to have gallbladder surgery.  I instead made the choice to change my diet in any way necessary to get my gallbladder healthy again.  If I kept having attacks then I would do the surgery, but if I could make changes in my life I was going to at least try!

I did a lot of research.  (check out my Board on Pinterest dedicated to making my gallbladder happy)  I cut out eggs, pork, red meat, gluten, unnecessary sugars, etc.  One thing about this kind of change when you have gallbladder issues is to not to it drastically as it could cause more stress on your digestive system.  Over the course of the next year I would very much enjoy these changes in diet.  I learned a lot about myself with these changes.  I prefer a vegetarian lifestyle.  I will still eat chicken, some turkey and on occasion lean red meat.  I created my Healthy Foodie board on Pinterest of healthy recipes that I still use and enjoy regularly), in case you're in the market for yummies.

Life seemed to be going in a great direction as far as weight.  I was starting to wear pre-children/wedding-size clothes again...and as surreal as it was, I felt so out of place.  I didn't feel toned or fit.  I was skinnier, but not fit.  I love being fit.  I love being tight and strong, so the entire skinny year felt wrong because I was losing muscle in addition to the extra.   I was wearing a splint on my abdomen 24/7 in the hopes of strengthening my core, but in doing so I became dependent on that splint.  Any time I would take it off for longer than showering my back would start to hurt and I would feel weak in my core.  Not a good feeling :(  

Not to write a novel!  Holy cow, I'm writing a ton.  

Around November 2012 I changed my medication thinking that my current meds had become ineffective.  I switched from Wellbutrin to Effexor (the generic of both) and thus started a year long downfall of my health and wellness.  

That's a whole 'nother story.

Wow, this is very therapeutic to type all of that out.  Especially because I am now starting my third week of being active again.  It has been approximately 5 weeks since I stopped taking the Effexor and have switched back to Wellbutrin.  I'm sitting here with my muscles feeling taunt and pleasantly sore (is that possible?  I'm weird) after my workout tonight.  

I'm not going to gloat or pat myself on the back yet because I realize there is a hugely wide and long road ahead of me.  Wide because of the diversity of fit I hope to accomplish as well as long because it isn't going to happen over night.  Nor would I want it to.  This is the real deal, folks.

I have one serious flaw that tends to happen when I start getting back in shape.  I can already feel myself thinking, "I did enough today, that's good enough."  NO.  NO.  I neeeed to become an over-achiever of exercise.  I need to always do more.  I don't want to become obsessive, but as soon as I start to get comfortable, then I back down and take a day off.  Or eat an extra dessert because I feel good!  I feel like I'm in a good place.  But it's never ending.  The only way to get better is to keep going.  Keep on, keeping on.  

In addition to the single element of being fit, I'm going to have to start really holding myself accountable with calories.  It's not a "I should," do it kind of thing.  I NEED TO.  The last two weeks have been purely about moving again, but it's an equation.  I cannot exercise and exercise and still eat like a monster.  It doesn't work that way.  After Gallbladder Gate 2012 I was living proof that diet alone CAN change your life.  Now I am doing more.  I am going to change my life in both food and activity.  

I feel like singing a huge anthem song that inspires and shakes you to the core!  lol  Eye of the Tiger perhaps?