Diamond in the Rough

There are some workouts that feel like you're chewing gravel.  The kind that you just want to put your time in so you can claim to have done it.

Tonight was NOT that night.  Tonight was one of those strangely fulfilling workouts that was more than the motions.  From the moment it started to the moments shortly after, it made me smile.  A real smile that wasn't all teeth or a cute expression you'd make for a picture.  It was a smile that held excitement in the pit of my stomach as I started pedaling with the sun on my face.  To breath in the smell of leaves and grass and flowers.  A smile that felt like breathing in the smell of springtime crabapple blossoms.

On my warm-up ride to the gym to do some weights I came across my favorite crabapple trees of all time.  They are in full bloom and they did not disappoint as I approached them.  It's that blink of a moment in the spring when the flowers are full-bloom and smell so sweet and fresh and deep.  Tomorrow they'll probably start to blow away petal by petal in the wind.  Tonight they held on so beautifully for me to take in.  Thank you, pretty trees.

My 30 minutes of weights felt good.  After a weekend of literally lopping evergreen branches (that was a lot more work than expected) I felt a little sore and my sets of reps were a welcome ache.  After I did some upper body, a few squats, and some inner & outer leg work I hopped on my bike-cycle.

If you know where I live, you might have a deeper understanding of this statement.  My town smelled like flowers tonight.  It doesn't always smell like flowers.  I'm not simply being corny and artistically ridiculous, either.  The town literally smelled like crabapple blossoms and lilacs every turn I took. That is something to behold!!

All in all, I wanted to remember this workout tonight.  To save for a rainy day.  That next time I find myself chewing gravel I can remember how worth it, and rewarding a hard workout is.  So that the next time, I might find myself with a diamond in the rough, like tonight.

This is what it's all about folks.

Oh!  and I biked 11 miles at an average speed of 14.45 mph.  My biking app says i burnt 863 calories not including my weights!  That's kind of neat.

Now it's time to drink my Post Workout Recovery shake and watch the season finale of the Voice.  Woo!

First outside run of 2014

Yesterday was beautiful.  Sixty-six degrees, slight breeze.  Just enough to wear a layering tank and cotton long-sleeve shirt.  I decided it today was the day for my first outdoor run of 2014.

I've been on a treadmill for months!  It was time for fresh air.

My small town has a "lap" that is about 4-4.5 miles long.  Factor in my driveway and I have about a 5 mile journey.  I am so proud and excited to share that my months of running on a treadmill paid off yesterday when I ran 4.5 of the 5 mile jog.  It felt so good.  SO GOOD.

I of course am sore today, simply because of the difference between running on a cushy treadmill versus pavement.  I also don't run on any incline (no need to beef up the calves), so the natural inclines and downhills were exciting and fun to experience.

I still feel like I have so much to do, so much weight to lose, so many goals to accomplish, but this was an exciting breakthrough for me.  Now, if I can do it three more times then I will feel like it's not a fluke.  lol

Until next time!

Feeling GOOD

Brittney, here!  Hi, how are you?

I think today was a classic 180-day.  A mere three hours ago I was ready to lay waste on my couch after a highly stressful day while drinking an adult beverage and probably eating bagel chips.  Sadly, this is the honest truth, but I DIDN"T.

Instead????? I just got back from a 2 mile jog/walk.  I have to give my husband all of the credit for the motivation to accomplish this task.  He swooped up the kids and said, "Go for it!"

The weather was pleasantly warm today, but as I started jogging I could tell it was getting cool.  Around 36 degrees.  Sidewalks were starting to get a little slippery from a misty rain all day.  I decided to run on the street with my bright construction vest (it's literally bright orange with reflective stripes on it).  This time of year seems like the hardest time to see things at dusk and I'd rather look like a jogging construction worker than risk someone not seeing me!

I don't want to pat myself on the back as if I just ran a marathon, I don't feel like I deserve that kind of applause YET, but I will say that I feel really good for two things in particular.  I ran 1 mile straight tonight.  I'm not sure if I've already done that in the last few weeks, but it was from start to finish - one mile.  I feel very fulfilled to be getting comfortable running again.  Baby steps!  I then walked & jogged the second mile of my workout and felt great afterwards!!!

Second feel-good event of the night was after my cool-down and ab exercises.  For the first time in a long time I attempted side plank abdominal exercises.  I have no idea if that's what they're called, but I lay on my side and bend at the waist, raising my torso and legs slightly off the ground.  This accomplishment might be confusing if you're just starting to read my blog.  A little backstory, I have had a couple years worth of working on correcting my diastis recti (splitting of abdominal muscles from pregnancies).  I've been VERY very very cautious, but tonight I felt it out and it felt GOOD.  So I took it easy and did one set on both sides.  Baby steps, part deux.

In addition to my exciting turn of events tonight I'd also like to share some information about the first part of my day!

I went to a Women's clinic to figure out if I'm having any kind of hormonal irregularities or not.  Over the course of the next few weeks I will be taking a ZRT Saliva Test to see if I need a little bit of help in the hormone department.  After the discovery of the little skin abnormality that was removed from my back two weeks ago most likely being caused from a hormonal imbalance?   Plus the fact that I've been off and on anti-depressant medication from post-partum depression for three and a half years, but still don't feel "right??"  It's time to try to figure out the root of what's going on.

Busy day!  Time to relax with the hubby and decompress.  Until next time!  :)

Stuck On A Machine?

I have to confess.  I'm usually all about "focus," and "make it count," during a work-out.  I believe this is a smart and sure-win approach with exercise.

Well, today my kids were quite a handful and I can feel a cold coming on.  Perhaps some post-nasal drip?  Whatever it is, it's that dull feeling in the back of your throat like it might start to hurt.  Little bit of runny nose.  A large amount of feeling, "blahhh."  So I hopped onto the elliptical for my workout tonight and did the opposite of what I usually say to do.  I totally zoned out.

I would love to say this is the first time doing this, but it all started when my iPhone did an update about a week ago.  It wiped out my exercise playlist!!  I was forced to find different means of entertainment, so I jammed out to iTunes Radio.  Pretty good stuff, but about 30 minutes into my hour-long workout I needed something more exciting.

Confession:  One of my favorite "entertainment" shows on TV is America's Best Dance Crew.  Not sure what that is?  I don't blame you.  It's a little show on MTV (not even sure if they still have it going??) where dance "crews" try to win.  Imagine The Voice, but with dancing.

Well, I have approximately 30 minutes worth of dance compilations between these three videos that seriously motivate me.  They are so much fun to watch, and time FLIES.  In my personal favorite order:

I Am Me Crew (Season 6 Winners) Compilation:




Followed by Quest Crew Compilation:



Save the best for last ~ Jabba Wockeez Season 6 Final Performance:




Enjoy :)

Cool Crisp Night

I used to think that running during the summer months was my favorite (which don't get me wrong, I love it), but tonight?  I was reminded of cold night jogs.  The kind of cool that startles your lungs at first, but when you are done running and after you've stretched and cooled down, you still feel the cool breath in your lungs.

Tonight I did a 3.5 mile jog/walk.  Felt so very good, yet so very bad at the same time.  My body is still adjusting to pounding the pavement.  I've been on my elliptical the majority of the past few weeks.  The switch to running outside is not feeling the best on my ankles, shins, and knees.  Not only is my body not used to this type of impact, I'm also carrying a lot of extra weight at the same time!!  I am still officially on the dark side of exercising.  I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but DAMN!

The problem with running outside in cold weather includes sweating.  You need to have just the right balance of layers.  You also cannot stop or slow down too much or else you get chilled and then the remainder of your workout is just not fun.  It was about 32 degrees Fahrenheit tonight, but as soon as it gets colder I start to need something over my mouth when I run.  I don't like too sharp of cold air on my lungs.  And remember, I live in MN, so I can honestly say I have run in colder weather than I probably should.  haha

Another problem is wearing gloves that aren't smart-phone friendly!!  I told my husband today that I want a pair of gloves that I can still wear while using my iPhone (in case i need to switch up my playlist, etc).  If anyone has some gloves they love and care to share, please leave a comment!  I'd be grateful to hear some of the tried and true gloves.  

I didn't have a chance to stretch very good at the end of my workout, either.  and I was COLD when I got home, so I jumped in the shower right away.  

Not to sound like I'm complaining this whole time, but tonight was my first plunge into exercising with my suture wounds.  I was not very loose, I think I was pretty tense in my upper body the whole time from some discomfort, but I'm not going to let these little buggers keep me from staying active.  I just hope they heal good, and fast.  

That's all for tonight!  Have a good one :)

Week 3 Check-In & My Seasonal Nemesis

Greetings!  I'm a day late in posting my Weekly Check-In, but better late than never!  

CHECK-IN SURVEY: Week 3
Number of days of Exercise: 3
Number of Cardio Exercises: 3
Number of Weight Exercises: .5
Total Time Exercised:  4.5 hours
Total Calories Burned:  still gadget-free.
Proud Moments: Walking/Jogging Outside 5.5 miles on a beautiful fall day!!!  amazingness 
Needs Work:  Most significantly my core.  That is what I'm most determined to get strong and fit again.  Everything else too, of course but I'd love to have a killer stomach again more than anything!

NEMESIS

It's like they turned on the switch for Christmas the day following Halloween.  Much to my dismay my local Wal-Mart's seasonal section neighbors the toy section.  I found some neat coupons for toys last week and headed to Wal-Mart to do a little Christmas shopping.  Straight to the toy department I marched only to pass by the rows of Christmas festiveness.  

WHAT TO MY WONDERING EYES WOULD APPEAR?  ...but my nemesis, and 8 tiny double chins that follow.  (sorry that didn't rhyme, lol)  These are the most dangerous pieces of candy to me I have ever experienced in my life.  They are amazingly delicious but are TERRIBLE nutritionally.  and I can't stop myself.  I've tried.  I can't.  

I am no longer allowed into retail stores that sell these without a parent or guardian.  

I give you, the Candy Cane Hershey Kisses.  Stay away from them or you will eat more than you ever intended to.  

Will I Be Able To Move Tomorrow?

There's a little country road that I used to run on regularly. It's a plain old gravel road, but it's my road. Sure, other people use it, they throw their garbage along the ditch, and the river kind if smells. But it's my road. One solid mile to the next intersection, a mile and half to where the road makes a T.  Plus there is a big hill that never gets easier.

I used to live within a quick warm-up walk from my road. It was an easy hop, skip & jump to squeeze in a friendly jog.  That is no longer the case.

Today for the first time in... literally years, my road & I had a reunion. It took me three miles of jogging/ walking to simply get to my road!! And about a half mile into the reunion I realized I probably won't be able to move tomorrow from being so sore!! It even crossed my mind to have someone come and get me as my muscles were tensing up!! But that doesn't matter. I was determined, and frankly it felt so damn good to be back.

The sky. The air. The sweet little spots along my road that burst with character  made my two hour long workout the most fun I've had in a long time.

Looking down at this gravel brought back sweet dejavu but also memories of the sweat and tears I worked on this dirt. And I plan to do it again.

What a beautiful fall day for a run <3

Week 2 Check-In & Ramblings

Greetings world :)  Brittney here, with my official report of my previous week.

CHECK-IN SURVEY: Week 2
Number of days of Exercise: 4
Number of Cardio Exercises: 4
Number of Weight Exercises: .5
Total Time Exercised:  4.5 hours
Total Calories Burned:  still gadget-free.  I'm not ready for stats yet.
Proud Moments: Hitting the 3-mile-mark TWICE this week.  holla!
Needs Work:  Oh my, lots and lots and lots of things.  Too many to list specifically.

I am very proud of myself for completing my second week of ...how do I say it?  Living again.  It's like my mind has been unaware and out-of-sync with my body for over a year.  So very sad.  I have said it before and I will say it again.  I don't want to treat my body like that ever ever again.  This is the only body I have.  I only have this lifetime to enjoy it and be as healthy as possible.  Maybe it's because I'm creeping towards my thirtieth year in life and I have been in a funk for almost a decade now?  It's long over due.

I want to say around Sophomore year in college is when a huge shift in my life occurred.  Up to that point I was busy in athletics in high school, and a fresh young Freshman in college I was DETERMINED to not let the "freshman 15" touch me.  Proud to say it didn't!  I exercised rigorously freshman year ...and then Sophomore year I probably gained 40 pounds.  Oy vey.  I got back into exercising regularly a year or so later but never really got back to my ideal "place."  THEN I got engaged and kicked it into gear.  I was NOT going to look like a cow wearing my white dress.  I am happy and proud of the shape I was in when I was married.  I could do push-ups like a pro, and although I wasn't my "skinniest" I felt amazing on my wedding day!

Around 6 months after our wedding I became pregnant with my son and couldn't WAIT for a big ole belly.  I was going to be one of those CUTE and adorable pregnant women who don't look pregnant at all except for the bump.  

umm.  ha.  hahaha.  Oh dear.

THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.  I gained 70 pounds.  SEVENTY POUNDS.  My son weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces when he was born.  Holy shit.  I couldn't fathom HOW or WHY my regular clothes didn't fit the day I got home from the hospital.  Well, my ass grew to be the size of Minneapolis and I had more chins than I care to admit.  Apparently when you're pregnant you cannot eat for two and not exercise a single day and remain healthy or fit.  

I made several attempts after Sam was born to get back into the best shape possible, but lived for months in denial of post-partum depression and pretty much had a hell of a time.  I made a valid push to be fit the summer before getting pregnant with my daughter but still weighed far more than I ever imagined I would weigh.  The moment we started talking about having another baby I started exercising regularly.  I wanted to be healthy during my second pregnancy.  I had complications after giving birth to Sam and I still remember how weak I felt afterwards.  I had no stamina, no strength.  I wish I would have been stronger to aide in a faster recovery!  Aside from getting fat I had lost a lot of muscle and it did NOT feel good to not feel strong.

I exercised throughout my entire second pregnancy but allowed myself to eat freely and thus gained weight.  I gained 30 pounds with my daughter which is far better than my first pregnancy!  For sure.  But again, found myself very heavy after Kate was born.  

Then a monkey-wrench was thrown into life.  I had a gallstone attack a couple weeks after Kate was born.  I went to bed that night seriously wondering if I was going to wake up in the morning.  Looking back now it probably would have been smart to go the ER, but I'm happy with how things ended up working out over time.  I was told by a surgeon that I would need to have surgery to remove my gallbladder which would require me to not lift more than 10 pounds for SIX WEEKS.  

A man in an office told a stay-at-home mom to two children - one being only 2 weeks old - that I couldn't lift more than 10 pounds for a month and a half.  I balled.  I cried.  I couldn't fathom life in recovery for that long.  Kate weighed more than 10 pounds a week after she was born!  I was not going to miss the early months of her life not being able to hold her or pick her up when she cried for me.  Or to not be able to pick Sam up when needed me!  Or to carry laundry baskets or groceries!  I seriously looked into hiring a nanny.  I felt sick at the idea of needing to rely on friends, family, a nanny, THAT EXTENSIVELY during this time in our life.

I made a decision then and there that I wasn't going to have gallbladder surgery.  I instead made the choice to change my diet in any way necessary to get my gallbladder healthy again.  If I kept having attacks then I would do the surgery, but if I could make changes in my life I was going to at least try!

I did a lot of research.  (check out my Board on Pinterest dedicated to making my gallbladder happy)  I cut out eggs, pork, red meat, gluten, unnecessary sugars, etc.  One thing about this kind of change when you have gallbladder issues is to not to it drastically as it could cause more stress on your digestive system.  Over the course of the next year I would very much enjoy these changes in diet.  I learned a lot about myself with these changes.  I prefer a vegetarian lifestyle.  I will still eat chicken, some turkey and on occasion lean red meat.  I created my Healthy Foodie board on Pinterest of healthy recipes that I still use and enjoy regularly), in case you're in the market for yummies.

Life seemed to be going in a great direction as far as weight.  I was starting to wear pre-children/wedding-size clothes again...and as surreal as it was, I felt so out of place.  I didn't feel toned or fit.  I was skinnier, but not fit.  I love being fit.  I love being tight and strong, so the entire skinny year felt wrong because I was losing muscle in addition to the extra.   I was wearing a splint on my abdomen 24/7 in the hopes of strengthening my core, but in doing so I became dependent on that splint.  Any time I would take it off for longer than showering my back would start to hurt and I would feel weak in my core.  Not a good feeling :(  

Not to write a novel!  Holy cow, I'm writing a ton.  

Around November 2012 I changed my medication thinking that my current meds had become ineffective.  I switched from Wellbutrin to Effexor (the generic of both) and thus started a year long downfall of my health and wellness.  

That's a whole 'nother story.

Wow, this is very therapeutic to type all of that out.  Especially because I am now starting my third week of being active again.  It has been approximately 5 weeks since I stopped taking the Effexor and have switched back to Wellbutrin.  I'm sitting here with my muscles feeling taunt and pleasantly sore (is that possible?  I'm weird) after my workout tonight.  

I'm not going to gloat or pat myself on the back yet because I realize there is a hugely wide and long road ahead of me.  Wide because of the diversity of fit I hope to accomplish as well as long because it isn't going to happen over night.  Nor would I want it to.  This is the real deal, folks.

I have one serious flaw that tends to happen when I start getting back in shape.  I can already feel myself thinking, "I did enough today, that's good enough."  NO.  NO.  I neeeed to become an over-achiever of exercise.  I need to always do more.  I don't want to become obsessive, but as soon as I start to get comfortable, then I back down and take a day off.  Or eat an extra dessert because I feel good!  I feel like I'm in a good place.  But it's never ending.  The only way to get better is to keep going.  Keep on, keeping on.  

In addition to the single element of being fit, I'm going to have to start really holding myself accountable with calories.  It's not a "I should," do it kind of thing.  I NEED TO.  The last two weeks have been purely about moving again, but it's an equation.  I cannot exercise and exercise and still eat like a monster.  It doesn't work that way.  After Gallbladder Gate 2012 I was living proof that diet alone CAN change your life.  Now I am doing more.  I am going to change my life in both food and activity.  

I feel like singing a huge anthem song that inspires and shakes you to the core!  lol  Eye of the Tiger perhaps?

Three Miles!! Wooo hooo!

Hello friends, I am so excited to announce that I made it to OVER three miles in my hour long workout tonight.  Dance dance dance!  Something about the three mile mark for me is important.  I used to run regularly and if I could make my three miles every time I felt like it was a "worthy" workout.  Of course my three miles tonight included heavy breathing, sweat dripping and the sound of my pant legs rubbing together because of how large I am at the moment.  The important thing????? I did it.  and I feel good.  and it makes me happy.  and I am proud of myself.

Props to my husband for wrangling the kids to bed tonight while I accomplished said workout!  <3

SONG OF THE DAY
I greatly greatly enjoyed Madonna's "Give It To Me (Paul Oakenfold Edit).  It's one of those songs that ended up on my playlist somehow that I probably have never listened to before.  I was doing intervals and it was a really really great song to jam out to during my high resistance interval AND my low resistance interval.  Give it a chance.  It's probably been on my playlist for over a year and tonight's the first time I listened to it, so if you need to take your time doing that same I completely understand!

ABDOMINAL MUSCLES
I'd like to talk about abdominal exercises.  I've mentioned before that I have Diastisis Recti, the splitting of the abdominals, from my pregnancies.  This requires me to be very aware of and sensitive to certain activities.  Sadly it has cut out some of my favorites:  kickboxing & golfing.  The shearing motions of your abdomen during a golf swing and in various kickboxing moves actually create more separation of the muscles if they are already weakened.  THIS SUCKS, PEOPLE.  Those used to be staples in my life.  Someday I will defy the experts who say once you have a diastisis you can't do those things ever again.  I am determined, damnit.

Today I expanded my horizons in my diastisis exercises.  Up until today I stuck to three safe positions that focus on the transverse abdominus.  These have always been very helpful for me in conjunction with a "splint" that I used to wear to help move the muscles closer together.  I began to rely on said splint and have weaned myself off it over the course of the last year.  Now it's time to add on to the current exercises I do and I simply googled it today.  After my hour workout I did these moves (shown in the video below) that engaged muscles in my abdomen that I have not knowingly engaged for a really really long freaking time.  IT FELT GOOD.  I'm posting the video here for fast reference when I need a refresher!




Well folks, that's all from me today.  Have a good one!

Make It Count

I cannot even express to you how many ideas cross my mind while I am mid-workout.  It's like the floodgates open and now I'm sitting down to type out my ideas and I feel like making a fart noise with my mouth because nothing else of interest is coming to me.  My blog is so awesome.  LOL

I titled this entry Make It Count because every workout is a two-step process for me.  #1 - Do It.  Get up, change into workout clothes and DO IT.  #2 - Make It Count.

As I started my workout today I have to admit I had a lot on my mind that was non-exercise related.  All I wanted to do was put in an hour's worth of exercise so I could mark it on my calendar and I could be done with it.  As my workout progressed, the negativity of my mindset began to leave and it made me remember how important it is to make it count.  Don't zone out.  Don't watch TV or surf on your phone while you are exercising.  Pay attention to my breath, my rhythm.  Make sure I have good form, pay attention to the workout itself.  I also like to make life interesting with the music I listen to ~ in a way change up an interval and pace based on the song I'm listening to.  Little things throughout the workout that keep things interesting and different every time.

Making it count is like making a deposit in a bank account but instead of a bank, it's your exercise account.  Corny analogy?  Perhaps, but I completely believe it.

I am nervous about tomorrow.  I'm going to see a dermatologist about a little bump on my nose but all day my mind has been running wild with worst-case-scenarios and ideas of how it could all go wrong.  Now that I have finished my workout for the day my endorphins are searing through my body and I feel like I could take on the world.

How do you bottle up endorphins?  Like a jar of air from the mountains.  I want a jar of endorphins that I can whip out when I need a quick fix to take away anxiety or worry and just FEEL GOOD.  I sure do love endorphins.  They rock my world, dude.

50 Shades of Sore

First off I have something very important to say.  I'd like to thank Ace of Base for hitting up my shuffle tonight during my workout.  Instant flashback to the 90s when I used to steal my sister's Walkman to walk around the block listening to her Ace of Base cassette tape.  Good stuff.

I have used the term "the dark side," now on this blog referring to being on the hard part of getting back into shape.  I'm still there.  It's pretty dark over here, but it has shifted from pitch black of last week to charcoal grey this week.  What in the hell am I talking about.  I'M SORE.  My joints are still sore as they were last week (when they were shocked into the realization that I started moving my body again).  IN ADDITION to sore joints my muscles are starting to cry.  My favorite part of exercising is stretching.  It's such a rewarding feeling after working so hard ....but tonight I was laugh/crying during my stretch.  OUCH.  This my friends, is muscle shock.  So so so shocking.  I did an hour on my elliptical on "Hill Program," mode.  Some lovely intervals of low to high resistance over the course of 60 minutes.  I traveled approximately 3 miles and the machine told me I burned 700 calories.  I forgot to put on my heart rate monitor tonight and could have stopped to get it, but right now I'm anti-gadget.  I don't really want to wear my heart rate monitor or my Fitbit.  I love stats, don't get me wrong, but I just feel like doing this by what feels right (at the moment).

I have a milestone to share with you, and you may look at this photo and scratch your head.  Allow me to explain.  This obscure photo is our calendar that is on our fridge that we use for the kids' school, appts, etc.  The little dots and number in the circle represent my exercise.  The dots are how many intervals of abdominal exercise I've done in the day.  The number represents how long of a workout I had.  THAT BEING SAID!  I did three intervals of ab work today.  WHOO HOOOO!  I did one hour of exercise.  WHOO HOO!!

As a result of carrying two children I have had the joy of experiencing Diastisis Recti.  The splitting of the abdominal muscles.  In attempts to close the muscles back to as close as I possibly can, I do special exercises that protect my diastisis from splitting further while at the same time strengthening and bringing everything back to where they're supposed to be.  These exercises have fallen off the wayside over the course of the last year, so in addition to getting a hot ass again, I'm adamant on getting my stomach back.  Thus!  I strive to do three sets of ab work throughout the day to engage my transverse abdominus.

INSERT MOTIVATIONAL PHOTO.  I used to have a killer stomach.  I know it's not realistic to get it back the exact way it was before, but this my dear friends is my motivation:  (Me, circa 2002)

The end for today <3  Thank you for reading!

Weekly Check-In & Ramblings

I'm going to give this a try.  A weekly check-in!  Holy crap.  This idea may prosper with golds and riches of kings of the past, or it might flop in my face.

This is Week 1 check-in that measures from Oct 13th to yesterday, Oct 19.  (Essentially Sunday-Saturday).  I'm starting slow.  I'm not going to post my starting weight or measurements today.  I am starting this for accountability, and for motivation to workout tonight as the start of Week 2

CHECK-IN SURVEY: Week 1
Number of days of Exercise: 4
Number of Cardio Exercises: 4
Number of Weight Exercises: 0
Total Time Exercised:  4 hours
Total Calories Burned:  not sure, as I didn't wear my heart rate monitor at all this week.  Excited to start wearing it again to track this week!
Proud Moments: Getting off my butt 4 days!  woooo hooooo
Needs Work:  Right now?  Everything.  Every inch of my body needs work.

I realize how short and boring this survey is, but in all honesty I keep getting interrupted, thus my thought process is shot to hell.

Man alive.  This is why the last couple of posts I've made have been at night, because I seriously cannot sit here for 5 minutes and type this without two different human beings needing me for something far more important than anything I have going on.  (insert huge amount of sarcasm here)

This entire week of my FIRST WEEK back in the world of being active has been a range of emotions.  I don't even feel like myself in my own body .....which probably sounds absolutely ridiculous.  I am huge right now.  Flabby and pudgy with chaffing and sweating from doing easy workouts on the elliptical machine.  It's really quite sad when I think about it.  For so long I've zoned it out and not had an awareness of my body and now that I'm actually looking in a mirror again I am horrified at what I am seeing.

How do I explain where I am.  Let's see .... last year at this time I was 60 pounds lighter than I am right now.  I was beginning to wear pre-children clothing again, but I wasn't active.  Somehow between anti-depressent medication and diet restrictions due to a feisty gallbladder I lost a lot of weight.  I was not active....I didn't feel like I needed to be!  I got to eat frozen yogurt with chocolate on top every night and lost weight.  It was catastrophically insane to me, and I was just riding the ride and having a blast.  Well, soon I changed my medication and began what has turned into about a year's worth of being a little numb to the world.  Numb in strange ways.  Numb to creativity, emotions and apparently self image.  I could tell I was starting to gain weight, clothes started to fit tight again.  I simply picked up the fat pants that I hadn't worn since after my kids were born because they were there.  Sitting in the back of my drawer for God-knows-why.  Slowly slowly those fat clothes started getting tight!!!  Fast forward to now and you will find me spilling over the top of my fat jeans.  I am squeezing into tops that used to be big on me.  It's a very cold harsh reality of how out of control I have been in the last year.

Being fed up with myself is an understatement, but the important thing is it is CHANGING.  I made a goal last April on my birthday, that by the time I turn 30 I will be in the best shape of my life.  Well,  I now have 6 months to accomplish this goal and I realize I should be hitting the floor and doing some push-ups every 5 minutes and eating a carrot for supper every night to accomplish this goal in time.  I'm not saying it's unrealistic, but I am a seriously moody person when it comes to pressure to lose weight and doing it in a way that will LAST.  I feel like I've fallen off the bandwagon so many times that I need to find a completely organic approach that is lifestyle driven for exercise and food and everything in between.  I'm not going to do anything drastic, but at the same time I'm going do do everything drastic.  Does that make any sense?  Or have I begun to ramble like a maniac.  I'm guessing it's the latter.

I still feel like I have so much to write, but I think it's time to end this entry.  Until next time!  :)

Keeping Good Form is HARD

I consider myself on the "dark" side of exercising right now.  I'm three days in to exercising for the first time in ....well too long to admit.  I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit it, so that will be for another post, another day.    Today I am talking about form.  Form is HARD!  Usually you hear about proper form to prevent injury.  Yes, that is important.  The form I am referring to is the constant checking of what muscles you are engaging for an entire workout.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a crazy person for worrying about form all the time??  Perhaps I am.

Workouts are not easy to begin with, but checking your form every couple of minutes is a very under-appreciated task.  If you're going to exercise, you may as well do it as good as you possibly can, right?  At least, that's my motto.  Yet this creates a daunting task.  This means that I need to engage my core.  Squeeze those buns.  Stand up straight while not over extending.  I want my neck relaxed and in a good position.  Oh yeah, and keep my heart rate above 160 bpm while staying motivated with some good music.  .....and that is on one stage of interval program that is only going to last for another minute before it changes.  Then I readjust all over again!!

The whole spectrum changes as soon as you change your workout, too.  From lifting weights, to yoga...yoga is even harder.  There isn't momentum behind you in yoga, you are simply there.  You and your muscles and checking form constantly is the only way I feel like I'm putting that extra deposit in the bank to make sure my workout counts.

My hope, my goal.  Is that when I push through this "dark" side of exercising, it will be in a matter of a few weeks.  Where I won't have sore joints and knees from the shock of being physically active again.  Where my muscles hardly remember what they were put on this earth to do.  They will re-learn what it's like to be worked!! Where I have a bounce in my step and an excitement in my stomach to exercise again.

I crave it.

I can't wait for that moment when I have a rhythm to my running when my lungs can start to inhale deeper than they can right now.

And because I'm focusing on form in this post, I truly hope that my form improves with it.  The core form that will improve with my fitness level if I do it properly now.  It's like I'm laying foundation, and it needs to be a good strong one.