Week 4 Check-In & Saggy Baggy Elephant

Boring check-in this week but I know I will regret not having this when I take accountability in the future!

CHECK-IN SURVEY: Week 4
Number of days of Exercise: 3
Number of Cardio Exercises: 3
Number of Weight Exercises: .5
Total Time Exercised:  4.5 hours
Total Calories Burned:  still gadget-free.
Proud Moments: Noticing strength in certain muscles.  Even though I cannot see definition yet, my legs are getting stronger.  I'm not as sore.  Super good feeling!!

Today I had my follow-up for the skin issues I've mentioned in previous posts.  The doc gave me a clean bill of health!  On the spectrum from GOOD weird skin growths to CANCER, I am on the good side of the spectrum.  YAYYYYYyyyyy but also ew.  

It's a good feeling, though.  In the back of my mind for the last two weeks I've had this unknown of "what if?"  The suture spot on my nose seems to be fully healed!  Stitches were removed from the base of my neck, middle of my back and my side.  I cannot wait for the remaining three to be all healed up!  I'll be able to stretch my upper body freely again.  Yes, please!

GOALS FOR WEEK 5
I need to tackle my food intake.  When I say tackle?  I mean NFL-style tackle.  I want to start seeing some results now.  I've hit that point.  I've been exercising for four solid weeks and I feel like I'm starting to pull out of the pathetic stage  (or as I have been calling it the dark side).  I don't necessarily like calling it the pathetic stage?  But that's how I feel about my abilities when I look back at it.  At the time I was very sensitive to it, but now that I can run a mile without falling over, it's time to tighten up the reigns.  Make things count MORE.

I saw this on Pinterest over the course of the last week, and I feel like this was written for me.  I don't do well when I scream on top of a mountain of how awesome of a job I'm doing.  For a lot of things outside of exercising, too.  I like to under-promise so I can over-deliver.  I feel like, with starting my active life again this time of year might work to my advantage.  I can hide under layers of clothes and coats and hopefully by the time warm weather comes?  I won't need to hide.  By summer I want to be stellar. 

YET - i'm super nervous.  I'm afraid I'm going to be the Saggy Baggy Elephant.  Will I be able to tighten everything up?  Or am I going to need to wear support tops and pants and live in Spanx just to keep things from flapping everywhere?  Attractive.  

A cold has struck our house this week as well.  Just coughed up a lung just now as I'm typing this.  I didn't work-out tonight simply because it hurts to breath.  Itchy uncomfortable lungs.  I know that isn't any kind of excuse.  No excuse is a good excuse but that's how the cookie hath crumbled today-ith.  

Until next time!

Week 3 Check-In & My Seasonal Nemesis

Greetings!  I'm a day late in posting my Weekly Check-In, but better late than never!  

CHECK-IN SURVEY: Week 3
Number of days of Exercise: 3
Number of Cardio Exercises: 3
Number of Weight Exercises: .5
Total Time Exercised:  4.5 hours
Total Calories Burned:  still gadget-free.
Proud Moments: Walking/Jogging Outside 5.5 miles on a beautiful fall day!!!  amazingness 
Needs Work:  Most significantly my core.  That is what I'm most determined to get strong and fit again.  Everything else too, of course but I'd love to have a killer stomach again more than anything!

NEMESIS

It's like they turned on the switch for Christmas the day following Halloween.  Much to my dismay my local Wal-Mart's seasonal section neighbors the toy section.  I found some neat coupons for toys last week and headed to Wal-Mart to do a little Christmas shopping.  Straight to the toy department I marched only to pass by the rows of Christmas festiveness.  

WHAT TO MY WONDERING EYES WOULD APPEAR?  ...but my nemesis, and 8 tiny double chins that follow.  (sorry that didn't rhyme, lol)  These are the most dangerous pieces of candy to me I have ever experienced in my life.  They are amazingly delicious but are TERRIBLE nutritionally.  and I can't stop myself.  I've tried.  I can't.  

I am no longer allowed into retail stores that sell these without a parent or guardian.  

I give you, the Candy Cane Hershey Kisses.  Stay away from them or you will eat more than you ever intended to.  

Week 2 Check-In & Ramblings

Greetings world :)  Brittney here, with my official report of my previous week.

CHECK-IN SURVEY: Week 2
Number of days of Exercise: 4
Number of Cardio Exercises: 4
Number of Weight Exercises: .5
Total Time Exercised:  4.5 hours
Total Calories Burned:  still gadget-free.  I'm not ready for stats yet.
Proud Moments: Hitting the 3-mile-mark TWICE this week.  holla!
Needs Work:  Oh my, lots and lots and lots of things.  Too many to list specifically.

I am very proud of myself for completing my second week of ...how do I say it?  Living again.  It's like my mind has been unaware and out-of-sync with my body for over a year.  So very sad.  I have said it before and I will say it again.  I don't want to treat my body like that ever ever again.  This is the only body I have.  I only have this lifetime to enjoy it and be as healthy as possible.  Maybe it's because I'm creeping towards my thirtieth year in life and I have been in a funk for almost a decade now?  It's long over due.

I want to say around Sophomore year in college is when a huge shift in my life occurred.  Up to that point I was busy in athletics in high school, and a fresh young Freshman in college I was DETERMINED to not let the "freshman 15" touch me.  Proud to say it didn't!  I exercised rigorously freshman year ...and then Sophomore year I probably gained 40 pounds.  Oy vey.  I got back into exercising regularly a year or so later but never really got back to my ideal "place."  THEN I got engaged and kicked it into gear.  I was NOT going to look like a cow wearing my white dress.  I am happy and proud of the shape I was in when I was married.  I could do push-ups like a pro, and although I wasn't my "skinniest" I felt amazing on my wedding day!

Around 6 months after our wedding I became pregnant with my son and couldn't WAIT for a big ole belly.  I was going to be one of those CUTE and adorable pregnant women who don't look pregnant at all except for the bump.  

umm.  ha.  hahaha.  Oh dear.

THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.  I gained 70 pounds.  SEVENTY POUNDS.  My son weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces when he was born.  Holy shit.  I couldn't fathom HOW or WHY my regular clothes didn't fit the day I got home from the hospital.  Well, my ass grew to be the size of Minneapolis and I had more chins than I care to admit.  Apparently when you're pregnant you cannot eat for two and not exercise a single day and remain healthy or fit.  

I made several attempts after Sam was born to get back into the best shape possible, but lived for months in denial of post-partum depression and pretty much had a hell of a time.  I made a valid push to be fit the summer before getting pregnant with my daughter but still weighed far more than I ever imagined I would weigh.  The moment we started talking about having another baby I started exercising regularly.  I wanted to be healthy during my second pregnancy.  I had complications after giving birth to Sam and I still remember how weak I felt afterwards.  I had no stamina, no strength.  I wish I would have been stronger to aide in a faster recovery!  Aside from getting fat I had lost a lot of muscle and it did NOT feel good to not feel strong.

I exercised throughout my entire second pregnancy but allowed myself to eat freely and thus gained weight.  I gained 30 pounds with my daughter which is far better than my first pregnancy!  For sure.  But again, found myself very heavy after Kate was born.  

Then a monkey-wrench was thrown into life.  I had a gallstone attack a couple weeks after Kate was born.  I went to bed that night seriously wondering if I was going to wake up in the morning.  Looking back now it probably would have been smart to go the ER, but I'm happy with how things ended up working out over time.  I was told by a surgeon that I would need to have surgery to remove my gallbladder which would require me to not lift more than 10 pounds for SIX WEEKS.  

A man in an office told a stay-at-home mom to two children - one being only 2 weeks old - that I couldn't lift more than 10 pounds for a month and a half.  I balled.  I cried.  I couldn't fathom life in recovery for that long.  Kate weighed more than 10 pounds a week after she was born!  I was not going to miss the early months of her life not being able to hold her or pick her up when she cried for me.  Or to not be able to pick Sam up when needed me!  Or to carry laundry baskets or groceries!  I seriously looked into hiring a nanny.  I felt sick at the idea of needing to rely on friends, family, a nanny, THAT EXTENSIVELY during this time in our life.

I made a decision then and there that I wasn't going to have gallbladder surgery.  I instead made the choice to change my diet in any way necessary to get my gallbladder healthy again.  If I kept having attacks then I would do the surgery, but if I could make changes in my life I was going to at least try!

I did a lot of research.  (check out my Board on Pinterest dedicated to making my gallbladder happy)  I cut out eggs, pork, red meat, gluten, unnecessary sugars, etc.  One thing about this kind of change when you have gallbladder issues is to not to it drastically as it could cause more stress on your digestive system.  Over the course of the next year I would very much enjoy these changes in diet.  I learned a lot about myself with these changes.  I prefer a vegetarian lifestyle.  I will still eat chicken, some turkey and on occasion lean red meat.  I created my Healthy Foodie board on Pinterest of healthy recipes that I still use and enjoy regularly), in case you're in the market for yummies.

Life seemed to be going in a great direction as far as weight.  I was starting to wear pre-children/wedding-size clothes again...and as surreal as it was, I felt so out of place.  I didn't feel toned or fit.  I was skinnier, but not fit.  I love being fit.  I love being tight and strong, so the entire skinny year felt wrong because I was losing muscle in addition to the extra.   I was wearing a splint on my abdomen 24/7 in the hopes of strengthening my core, but in doing so I became dependent on that splint.  Any time I would take it off for longer than showering my back would start to hurt and I would feel weak in my core.  Not a good feeling :(  

Not to write a novel!  Holy cow, I'm writing a ton.  

Around November 2012 I changed my medication thinking that my current meds had become ineffective.  I switched from Wellbutrin to Effexor (the generic of both) and thus started a year long downfall of my health and wellness.  

That's a whole 'nother story.

Wow, this is very therapeutic to type all of that out.  Especially because I am now starting my third week of being active again.  It has been approximately 5 weeks since I stopped taking the Effexor and have switched back to Wellbutrin.  I'm sitting here with my muscles feeling taunt and pleasantly sore (is that possible?  I'm weird) after my workout tonight.  

I'm not going to gloat or pat myself on the back yet because I realize there is a hugely wide and long road ahead of me.  Wide because of the diversity of fit I hope to accomplish as well as long because it isn't going to happen over night.  Nor would I want it to.  This is the real deal, folks.

I have one serious flaw that tends to happen when I start getting back in shape.  I can already feel myself thinking, "I did enough today, that's good enough."  NO.  NO.  I neeeed to become an over-achiever of exercise.  I need to always do more.  I don't want to become obsessive, but as soon as I start to get comfortable, then I back down and take a day off.  Or eat an extra dessert because I feel good!  I feel like I'm in a good place.  But it's never ending.  The only way to get better is to keep going.  Keep on, keeping on.  

In addition to the single element of being fit, I'm going to have to start really holding myself accountable with calories.  It's not a "I should," do it kind of thing.  I NEED TO.  The last two weeks have been purely about moving again, but it's an equation.  I cannot exercise and exercise and still eat like a monster.  It doesn't work that way.  After Gallbladder Gate 2012 I was living proof that diet alone CAN change your life.  Now I am doing more.  I am going to change my life in both food and activity.  

I feel like singing a huge anthem song that inspires and shakes you to the core!  lol  Eye of the Tiger perhaps?

Weekly Check-In & Ramblings

I'm going to give this a try.  A weekly check-in!  Holy crap.  This idea may prosper with golds and riches of kings of the past, or it might flop in my face.

This is Week 1 check-in that measures from Oct 13th to yesterday, Oct 19.  (Essentially Sunday-Saturday).  I'm starting slow.  I'm not going to post my starting weight or measurements today.  I am starting this for accountability, and for motivation to workout tonight as the start of Week 2

CHECK-IN SURVEY: Week 1
Number of days of Exercise: 4
Number of Cardio Exercises: 4
Number of Weight Exercises: 0
Total Time Exercised:  4 hours
Total Calories Burned:  not sure, as I didn't wear my heart rate monitor at all this week.  Excited to start wearing it again to track this week!
Proud Moments: Getting off my butt 4 days!  woooo hooooo
Needs Work:  Right now?  Everything.  Every inch of my body needs work.

I realize how short and boring this survey is, but in all honesty I keep getting interrupted, thus my thought process is shot to hell.

Man alive.  This is why the last couple of posts I've made have been at night, because I seriously cannot sit here for 5 minutes and type this without two different human beings needing me for something far more important than anything I have going on.  (insert huge amount of sarcasm here)

This entire week of my FIRST WEEK back in the world of being active has been a range of emotions.  I don't even feel like myself in my own body .....which probably sounds absolutely ridiculous.  I am huge right now.  Flabby and pudgy with chaffing and sweating from doing easy workouts on the elliptical machine.  It's really quite sad when I think about it.  For so long I've zoned it out and not had an awareness of my body and now that I'm actually looking in a mirror again I am horrified at what I am seeing.

How do I explain where I am.  Let's see .... last year at this time I was 60 pounds lighter than I am right now.  I was beginning to wear pre-children clothing again, but I wasn't active.  Somehow between anti-depressent medication and diet restrictions due to a feisty gallbladder I lost a lot of weight.  I was not active....I didn't feel like I needed to be!  I got to eat frozen yogurt with chocolate on top every night and lost weight.  It was catastrophically insane to me, and I was just riding the ride and having a blast.  Well, soon I changed my medication and began what has turned into about a year's worth of being a little numb to the world.  Numb in strange ways.  Numb to creativity, emotions and apparently self image.  I could tell I was starting to gain weight, clothes started to fit tight again.  I simply picked up the fat pants that I hadn't worn since after my kids were born because they were there.  Sitting in the back of my drawer for God-knows-why.  Slowly slowly those fat clothes started getting tight!!!  Fast forward to now and you will find me spilling over the top of my fat jeans.  I am squeezing into tops that used to be big on me.  It's a very cold harsh reality of how out of control I have been in the last year.

Being fed up with myself is an understatement, but the important thing is it is CHANGING.  I made a goal last April on my birthday, that by the time I turn 30 I will be in the best shape of my life.  Well,  I now have 6 months to accomplish this goal and I realize I should be hitting the floor and doing some push-ups every 5 minutes and eating a carrot for supper every night to accomplish this goal in time.  I'm not saying it's unrealistic, but I am a seriously moody person when it comes to pressure to lose weight and doing it in a way that will LAST.  I feel like I've fallen off the bandwagon so many times that I need to find a completely organic approach that is lifestyle driven for exercise and food and everything in between.  I'm not going to do anything drastic, but at the same time I'm going do do everything drastic.  Does that make any sense?  Or have I begun to ramble like a maniac.  I'm guessing it's the latter.

I still feel like I have so much to write, but I think it's time to end this entry.  Until next time!  :)