Pages

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Weekly Check-In & Ramblings

I'm going to give this a try.  A weekly check-in!  Holy crap.  This idea may prosper with golds and riches of kings of the past, or it might flop in my face.

This is Week 1 check-in that measures from Oct 13th to yesterday, Oct 19.  (Essentially Sunday-Saturday).  I'm starting slow.  I'm not going to post my starting weight or measurements today.  I am starting this for accountability, and for motivation to workout tonight as the start of Week 2

CHECK-IN SURVEY: Week 1
Number of days of Exercise: 4
Number of Cardio Exercises: 4
Number of Weight Exercises: 0
Total Time Exercised:  4 hours
Total Calories Burned:  not sure, as I didn't wear my heart rate monitor at all this week.  Excited to start wearing it again to track this week!
Proud Moments: Getting off my butt 4 days!  woooo hooooo
Needs Work:  Right now?  Everything.  Every inch of my body needs work.

I realize how short and boring this survey is, but in all honesty I keep getting interrupted, thus my thought process is shot to hell.

Man alive.  This is why the last couple of posts I've made have been at night, because I seriously cannot sit here for 5 minutes and type this without two different human beings needing me for something far more important than anything I have going on.  (insert huge amount of sarcasm here)

This entire week of my FIRST WEEK back in the world of being active has been a range of emotions.  I don't even feel like myself in my own body .....which probably sounds absolutely ridiculous.  I am huge right now.  Flabby and pudgy with chaffing and sweating from doing easy workouts on the elliptical machine.  It's really quite sad when I think about it.  For so long I've zoned it out and not had an awareness of my body and now that I'm actually looking in a mirror again I am horrified at what I am seeing.

How do I explain where I am.  Let's see .... last year at this time I was 60 pounds lighter than I am right now.  I was beginning to wear pre-children clothing again, but I wasn't active.  Somehow between anti-depressent medication and diet restrictions due to a feisty gallbladder I lost a lot of weight.  I was not active....I didn't feel like I needed to be!  I got to eat frozen yogurt with chocolate on top every night and lost weight.  It was catastrophically insane to me, and I was just riding the ride and having a blast.  Well, soon I changed my medication and began what has turned into about a year's worth of being a little numb to the world.  Numb in strange ways.  Numb to creativity, emotions and apparently self image.  I could tell I was starting to gain weight, clothes started to fit tight again.  I simply picked up the fat pants that I hadn't worn since after my kids were born because they were there.  Sitting in the back of my drawer for God-knows-why.  Slowly slowly those fat clothes started getting tight!!!  Fast forward to now and you will find me spilling over the top of my fat jeans.  I am squeezing into tops that used to be big on me.  It's a very cold harsh reality of how out of control I have been in the last year.

Being fed up with myself is an understatement, but the important thing is it is CHANGING.  I made a goal last April on my birthday, that by the time I turn 30 I will be in the best shape of my life.  Well,  I now have 6 months to accomplish this goal and I realize I should be hitting the floor and doing some push-ups every 5 minutes and eating a carrot for supper every night to accomplish this goal in time.  I'm not saying it's unrealistic, but I am a seriously moody person when it comes to pressure to lose weight and doing it in a way that will LAST.  I feel like I've fallen off the bandwagon so many times that I need to find a completely organic approach that is lifestyle driven for exercise and food and everything in between.  I'm not going to do anything drastic, but at the same time I'm going do do everything drastic.  Does that make any sense?  Or have I begun to ramble like a maniac.  I'm guessing it's the latter.

I still feel like I have so much to write, but I think it's time to end this entry.  Until next time!  :)

No comments:

Post a Comment