THIRTY

HEY WORLD!  I'm thirty.  Thirty years old today.  Wooooo!  It is a good day.  Lastnight my husband surprised me with my early present.  Thus?  Here we are today.

I have a few cryptic words to express, so bear with me.  If I do in fact, have any readers at all, who might be reading this, I will say one thing.  NEW YEAR'S!!!!!!!!!!

Back to my regularly scheduled nonsense.

Today I had an amazing birthday.  I can say with utmost honesty that I wasn't expecting my 30th Birthday to be my favorite.  Yesterday I was literally nervous.  I told Adam that I felt like I wasn't living up to my expectations of where I wanted to be when I turned 30.  Seriously.  I haven't lost all the weight I want to lose, but you know what?  I'm still me!  Even if I'm a little bit fatter than I'd like, I may as well try to enjoy myself.

Tonight I was able to spend time with the people I love the most in my life.  My sister-in-law threw me a birthday party and it was so specific to me in the smallest of detail that I can't even describe it.  All the way down to the lemoncello infused champagne with the raspberry ice cube (it's hard to see in this picture, but that raspberry was literally created into an ice cube for the purpose of chilling my lemoncello infused champagne).

Did you notice that slice of cake?  Oh yes.  That slice of cake (alongside the homemade ice cream and lemoncello infused champagne with the raspberry ice cube).  Yeah.  that piece of cake came from this.  Made from scratch by my husband's grandma (who truly feels like my own grandma). 

There are times in a person's life where they realize you are surrounded by people who make your heart burst.  Even if they bust your chops, or do things that take your breath away.

Let me just shut my mouth while you enjoy a few photos of the rest of the evening.

Wooo!!!!  Thank you, to all who was involved in my birthday today, truly thank you!!!

My Heart Feels A Little More Full Today

It is the eve of my 30th birthday.

There are a lot of emotions that go along with that statement.  Tonight at the liquor store (chyeah.) the nice gentleman said, as I was about to walk out the door, "I was about to card you, but ...." and I just about jumped over the counter to hug him.  I don't think he realized I am soon to be moving on to the next decade.

Ha.  What a way to start this blog post.  Considering the fact I'm supposed to be on my 24-day challenge.  Whoops!  We stopped at the wine and spirits store on our way home from picking up my early birthday present.

My husband has single-handedly made my heart fill up a little more today.  He bought me a keyboard for my birthday.

Now, before you begin to think about the keyboards from the 1990s (with the flappy keys) and the crappy beatbox that starts when you push an aqua-colored button, just stop.  Apparently technology has not slowed down even when it comes to world of music.

Background:  My dream is to own a white baby grand piano.  That is still my dream, but realistically we are not in a position to drop 20K+ on a piano.  We have to buy summer rec passes for the kids and monthly payments towards our mortgage.  Someday, when I find myself bored and wrinkled, I will probably be in a position to buy my baby-grand piano.  But that day is not today.

Instead, I was presented with something that, at the moment, is BETTER.  Wait, is AMAZING.  It's a keyboard.  It's a keyboard that feels like a piano when my fingers brush over the keys.  I literally press down on the keys and there is a resistance like a real life piano.  It's a keyboard that has probably 4 billion features and stuff, and things, and. Even though I know a small fraction of what this keyboard is capable of, it's is now a part of my family.

It's a keyboard that allows me to turn the volume super duper low during nap times.  It's a keyboard that lets me throw on a pair of headphones so I can jam out while Adam is watching TV.  It's quite literally THE PERFECT piano I could ever ask for during this phase in our life.  My kids can learn on it.  and if they break it, they will only be grounded for a week for ruining a keyboard instead of a couple of years for breaking a baby grand.

It's brilliant.  and it's now mine.

And while Adam was still assembling the pedals, Sam plopped himself down and was creating a symphony in his mind and my heart just about couldn't contain itself and burst into a million pieces.

I'm ready to turn 30.  I welcome my birthday that is approaching within the next hour.  Because now I get to sit down to my piano and play songs that bring peace and joy to my heart.  That I can now share with my family.

I haven't played since college!  That's over a decade ago!!!!!!!

As I sip on my Mike's Harder Lemonade I feel a huge surge of happy.  There is an amazing little keyboard across the room.  Waiting for me to brush off the cobwebs in the part of my brain that has carefully tucked music away in, and is ready to open back up.  (Did you know that you physically cannot forget music?  Our brains apparently remember forever.)  This makes me happy, especially since I started piddling away tonight and played four songs that I haven't even thought about for over a decade and tonight I played them.  Obviously with extreme room for improvement, but it happened.

I love you, Adam.  There is no way I can simply say, "thank you," for this present for my birthday.  When I say that I feel like my heart feels full tonight, I don't think I can express it.  It's fulfilling a hope and dream to have music in our home while we raise our children.  That they might latch on to some small piece of hearing music and grow and feel love with it.  They might not ever play, but to know that they grow up hearing ME play is the most I could ever hope for.  If they sit down and decide that they want music in their own lives, well.  That means my heart just filled EVEN FULLER.  How is that even possible?  I feel like "my cup runneth over," is exactly how I feel right now.

In a few days I hope that I will have been able to find some coordination within my fingers again, to begin communicating through music again.  In the vessel that I've been using since I was in the first grade, that until tonight has been greatly missed.  LIFE IS ART.  and a huge part of that art is suddenly back in my life.

Clean Eating ~ Wheatberry Soup Recipe

I love this soup recipe.  My family loves this soup recipe!  It's been a staple in our house for years, and it took me awhile to modify it to become my favorite.  I hope you enjoy it as well :)

Wheatberry Soup Recipe

Serves 7-8

Ingredients
4 Celery Ribs, thinly sliced
1 medium onion, thinly sliced
1 medium leek, white & pale parts only, thinly sliced
2 Tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1 cup wheatberries
1 Tbsp no-sugar added Tomato Paste
8 cups water, divided
2 - 15 oz borlotti and/or pinto beans - drained & rinsed
4 large carrots, thinly sliced
2 cups frozen peas
2 Tbsp fresh basil, thinly sliced
1 tsp himalayan salt
Ground black pepper as needed

Directions
In an enameled cast iron casserole, heat the oil.  Add the celery, onion & leek and cook over moderately high heat, stirring, until softened, 5 minutes.

Add wheatberries & tomato past and cook, stirring, while grains are coated and shiny, 30 seconds.

Add 4 cups water and beans.  Bring to boil.  Simmer over low heat 30 minutes.

Add carrots and remaining 4 cups water.  Cook & cover over low heat until carrots are tender, 30 minutes.

Add pease, cover and cook until tender, 5 minutes.

Season w/ salt and pepper as needed.  Remove from heat, top with basil.  Serve.

Challenge Day 3

I'm already wavering. I am hungry! I am crabby! I would love nothing more than to fall into my routine of justifying some comfort eating.

Then I get a text message from a girlfriend asking if I want to come out and have a few drinks with some friends. 

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I want to so much!!! So so so much. 

But I'm on Day 3. And I'm so tired of falling into the habits that have caused and maintained weight gain. I am trying to focus on being proud of myself for staying strong, but in the background of my thoughts I am hearing "eat something!" 

They don't call it a challenge for nothing, but my word! Last challenge I didn't feel this until about day 14 or so.

I did a little comparing from the end of my previous challenge to the start of this one. (Last one ended late January.) Since then the scale tells me I've gained one pound, but lost 1.75" overall (comparing measurements). My initial guess is muscle. I've been running more and some weights so it would make sense for that difference!

I'm completely aware of how the scale shouldn't be how you base success, but DAMNIT I'd love to see the numbers drop. And I'd love to feel my clothes fitting loose to the point of not being able to wear my fat clothes anymore.

I feel like this post is hostile as I sit at my dining room table figuring out when I get to eat next. 

Must keep eye on the prize!!!!! 

Happy Friday!  :)

DAY ONE, Advocare 24-Day Challenge, Round 2

Hi friends and readers!  Today marks DAY ONE of another Advocare 24-Day Challenge.  It's ironic because today is my first day.  My 30th Birthday is in 24 days!!  My birthday lands on the last day of my challenge.  I couldn't think of a better birthday present I could give to myself than the next 24 days of getting back into a strict regimen of clean eating and continued exercise.

Little backstory.  I did a Challenge earlier this past January, and you might be wondering why would I be doing another?  Did the first one not work?  Strange to be doing it again, right?  Well, Advocare 24-day challenges include a "cleanse" phase that in a sense, puts your body in a position to absorb nutrients better and to simply kick off the challenge right.  I say the word "cleanse," and my husband's face says it all.  You think BLECH what in the world?!?  Cleanse?  It's really quite simple.  A combination of a morning fiber drink, an evening herbal capsule, in addition to a probiotic supplement is about the extent of it.  Pair it with eating clean foods and portion control.  Throw in some exercise.  THAT is the start of Advocare's 24-Day Challenge.

Last challenge I had, what I consider, to be good results!  I lost 8.4 pounds and a total of 7 inches off my body.  I'd say that's a good start!  I'd like to do the same, no, BETTER.

OFFICIAL CHALLENGE GOALS:
1. Lose 10 pounds.

Yep, that's about it.  Ten is a nice sounding number.  Realistically I have about 40-50 pounds I need to lose to consider myself "HAPPY."  Is that possible?  Sure, it probably is.  Yet I need to factor reality into the mixture.  I like to eat, I enjoy the taste of food.  I have muscular legs, muscle weighs more than fat.  Losing 40-50 pounds would put me at my high school weight.  Is that realistic?  I'd LOVE to be there, but I honestly don't know if I could do that!  I feel like I would need to literally starve myself, and that does not sound appealing to me.

I have been planning on starting this challenge for a few weeks.  I ordered my products (HERE) and had every intention of starting as soon as I received them.  (which I did)  ....yet I received an extra little "push" lastnight.

I went to my ceramic pottery class before going to the gym.  Imagine not wearing any make-up, having my hair pulled back tight and ugly, wearing an AWFUL skin-tight stripe shirt.  Then my instructor asks to take a picture.  I agonizingly agreed, photo snaps, and then she says she's going to put it up on Facebook later.

Ask yourself this.  Would you scramble over to that person and beg and plead them not to post that picture because of your own self consciousness?  Well, I was tempted to.  But I thought, "it couldn't be that bad, right?!?"

It was.

Horrendous.  I asked my husband if THAT PHOTO is what I look like.  The person in that photo is not what I see when I look in the mirror.  I've made so many excuses and found the best angle to look at myself in the mirror so that I almost have convinced myself that I look pretty good!  But to see a photo of myself from someone else's angle?  I felt like I was punched in the face.

I'm tired of feeling self-conscious.  I'm tired of it!!!  SO SICK OF IT!

I've been exercising for months, thinking that results have got to be showing by now.  It has to be paying off by now.  Right?!?  I ran 4.5 miles a couple days ago.  I can actually see my muscles working when I lift free weights in front of the mirror at the gym.  I feel like I can see results.... yet, not.  My clothes haven't started to fit looser.  That photo?!?!?  Kill me now.

Enter the start of another 24-day Challenge.

I promised myself last year that by my 30th Birthday I was going to be in the best shape of my life.  Well, that quite simply is a work in progress.  I have a list of real reasons why I've been having trouble, but I'm tired of them!!!  Hormones.  Medication.  Physical limitations.  Blarg.

It's time to put some dedicated effort into losing weight.  I mentioned earlier "strict regimen."  ....after my last challenge I floundered when I was done.  I flapped around in the breeze and slowly slowly found myself eating what the kids were eating again.  Having more snacks.  Comfort eating.  Drinking WINE and BEER on the weekends.  Hell, even a few weeknights.  Apparently as much as I hate the confines of a regimen I literally have success when I am on one.

So let's get back to my goals for this challenge
1. Lose 10 pounds by the end of this challenge.
2. Feel proud, not conscious of my body.
3. Be completely weaned off anti-depression medication

Last little paragraph before I wrap up my novel.  I am already starting to wean off my Bupropion (generic of Wellbutrin).  Started Monday, in fact.  I have come to the conclusion that I was put on anti-depressant medication post-pregnancy from suspicions of post-partum-depression.  In all actuality I believe I was undergoing severe hormone imbalances.  After having a test done in December and saw actual results of my body having hardly any Progesterone or Estrogen, it became very clear.  So!  In about a week and a half I my "wean-down" dosage from my doctor will be out.  and I will not be taking daily medication for the first time in multiple years.  I'm kinda looking forward to that.  :)

Okay, that is all for now folks!  Crickets?  I hear crickets.  lol